Investigating the thin line between fear and excitement,
Feeling the difference in the internal landscape that is me.
Feeling the tilt in my system from excitement to the fear,
What thought pushed excitement over into fear?
Is there another way to experience it, another way to perceive it?
Could I have stopped the careen into the fear?
Because once I’ve fallen off the fear ledge, there’s no other way but through, or is there?
Is there another way?
Aaaaand … I am in it now …
As soon as the phone rings and I think it is the one I’m waiting for … the excitement begins ….
Tries to careen into fear when I see that it isn’t, and I’m on that thin line. Again.
The thin line that once again is front and center.
Can I refocus to something else to at least curb the sensation in my chest?
Can I breathe heart into this place?
Could I breathe peace into the almost fear so that I can investigate it from a space of inner stability?
Or is the sensation of instability part of the investigation?
Does the sensation of fear have to jolt me out of that feeling of stability, clarity?
Must I fall into the old habit of “overwhelm by feeling”?
Or could I choose to breathe my way into the center deliberately, and then address the sensation of excitement/fear?
Could I deliberately turn my focus to the sensation of clarity or stability?
Are those sensations present to me Now?
I inhale deeply to the slow steady count of five and exhale to the same count.
Slow, steady, stable deep breaths until the body feels calm.
Not pushing away the sensation of the thin line.
Simply deeply breathing inTO it …
Gathering myself into the thin line between fear and excitement.
Which way do I choose to push it, because it is a choice, even in the “no-choice”.
Do I choose to push it at all?
Letting the breath lead the exploration, giving me stability on this line for this moment.
I want to live on this edge.
I want to get comfortable with this edge.
It is where the juice is.