Surrender into the Muck

I see myself and what I do with eyes of Love. This mantra/affirmation/whatever name works for you is still carrying me as I navigate the last week of the Mars tripping back through Scorpio in retrograde.

 

It is a deep deep drag of old muck that I am called from within to surrender to and integrate. And even when I want to run like hell, I cannot!  The feelings are so big and so strong and all that I can do is surrender, let them run their course. It is deep shadow work.

 

I’ve stopped praying for relief, or running or diverting. Let me feel the fullness of this, let it integrate fully into my experience. Let me see THIS as part of the myself and what I do that I see with eyes of love.

 

Patterns of relating to lovers, one in particular, insane jealousy. Oh my goddess, the jealousy! It is so painful to experience. And it is up, up for airtime these days. Again. Let me bring the jealous one deep into my heart to be held, loved, rather than pushed aside as bad, evil. Let me hear her message.

 

No, we are not going to lash out at him. He is not the issue. I know.  You want him to be. And he is not.

 

Let me know that everything … e v e r y t h i n g … that I need truly does come from within. Let me allow myself to be held in You.  My Inner Beloved.

 

Let me bring all of my insecurity, my fear that that love will again disappear. Let me know …KNOW …  to the core of my being that with or without that, I am ok. More than ok. I am

 

As I open my heart to the sensations of jealousy, let me keep it open.

 

So here I am, feeling this fully, and running underneath the feeling fully is a deep deep river of LOVE, which, as I surrender into the sensations of jealousy, fear, abandonment, rises up to carry me in the midst. Surrendering into the landscape of human with heart open allows the Love to pour forth and carry me.

 

Surrender into the muck. Let it surprise you with its treasures. It is sweet peace in the midst..

 

Who knew!!!

 

Just want to say, too, that I am always in awe of what shows up each week. This is another layer of surrender into that. The logical brain argues and wants to push “web designer stuff” here and it simply does not flow … and I don’t fight with that. Pushing to make something happen before its time gets me nowhere, and I keep writing what shows up to be written.

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