Satisfaction – Unlearning Learned Deprivation

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Early last week, specifically  on 4/25, Dena Lynn, a Facebook and now a present “time-space-now” friend with whom I enjoy crazy laughter and coffee  (maybe not in that order and ~ yeah ~ definitely not in that order) wrote a post on FB that gripped me … Her words:

“I was taught to not want.

Wanting, I was told, is selfish, vain and greedy.

Wanting is willfulness, demandingness and entitlement-mindedness, I was told.

I don’t believe that anymore — I believe that wanting is our fuel for manifestation … that God (The Divine) grants us (puts IN us) the desires of our hearts. The Divine *plants* those desires into our hearts … so that we will want.

I believe that we are meant to *ask* for what we want, and to become willing/able to *receive” what we’ve asked-for.

I believe that our wants are divine.

HowEVER … my former conditioning often keeps me silent about what it is that I want … In fact, I often don’t *know* and can’t thus articulate what it is that I most-want.

I have learned to go-without.

I have learned to live with deprivation.

But the ache … ahhhh, the ache of the lack of what I am wanting …

Deprivation has been the hallmark of this lifetime.

I am determined to shift that into *fulfillment* … whatever it takes.”

 

As I read through, it was yes ~~ again and again. Yes! This! Yeeessss!! It evoked this response from me ~~~

“Learned, conditioned behavior … thank you for this! There’s a clarification happening, and for now, this arrived in answer to the question that arose yesterday in conversation with my friend over coffee … One that I’ve noticed over the past few days in clear and unmistakeable ways …

How is it that I cannot easily allow in money … The feeling of lack has been so prevalent within .. how could I shift into a different feeling when that one is so “in my face” … and here is a seed of my answer.

I have a clarity about it in this moment that allows me to let go of the feeling of lack … perfect Balsamic Moon timing: recognizing and releasing the feeling sense of lack … birthing the feeling sense of satisfaction.

Full satisfaction.

Full-fillment.

Choosing to allow in as many baby steps as needed for it to become the norm for me  … for full-fillment, for satisfaction to become my go-to.

Baby steps …until walking in the new default is second nature. No more “I should be different by now after all the work I’ve done”

 

I’m simply choosing the next baby step and the next one and the next one.

 

In Love. For me. With me ~~~~

 

I’ve noticed that in the the almost two weeks since I made the connection, the allowing of satisfaction has become front and center for me.

Qualified by asking repeatedly “What do I want? What would please me in this moment?”

Not someone else’s version of me. MY version of me. What do I want?

It started with me deciding to make the feeling of satisfaction of utmost importance. Not the feeling of satisfaction because of a b or c. The feeling of satisfaction because I’ve chosen to focus on that which satisfies me now, and zoom into that feeling, to carry that feeling around with me, to allow it to build momentum and collect more satisfaction in ways I’d not associated with satisfaction.

Quite simply, I’ve begun to actively notice where I feel satisfied and go after more of that feeling. Not necessarily the thing evoking the satisfaction. The satisfaction itself. Can you feel the difference?

It is a lot like being In Love without having to have anyone to fully focus that Love “on”.  If I do, good. If I don’t, good.

And all is truly well.

 

Dena Lynn is a local artist and teaches  group classes (and more) in the Willamette Valley area. Here are her offerings.

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