I learned something crucial this week … For better or worse, my default is to go to worst case scenario. My children have been telling me this for most of their lives. I thought it was just them being my kids and playing devil’s advocate because that is what kids do. Turns out there was some truth in their words. Truth that I didn’t want to be about me.
When I have owned it, I’ve chalked it up to being a nurse, planning for the worst for patients (so that I could recognize it and quickly intervene.) Plan for the worst, expect the best and trust your gut.That’s what carried me through my 25 practicing years as a RN. It worked well.
I no longer practice nursing.
My focus on cultivating internal happiness in the midst of everything else swirling around me is deeply renewed this week. As counter as it goes to the “acceptable way to respond” in the face of deep disappointment in an outcome that on the surface of it leaves me feeling powerless.
I do not live on the surface of it.
Internal happiness is the space where I hear the the voice of my Greater self and when I lose touch with that, it feels like I’ve lost everything. It is more important than the approval of anyone, friends, lovers, potential lovers, family. It is more important than everything.
That means shifting away from “worst case scenario” thinking and continuing the cultivation of joy in the midst, happiness, finding the silver lining in everything, and when I can’t seem to access it, knowing that all is well anyway.
Friday, hope arrived in the words of a text from Torie Clark.
Here is what my beautiful and level-headed daughter had to say when I checked in with her today. (Thank you for permission to share.)
“I’m good. People forget that he was a democrat for his entire life up until he ran for president, I think the only reason he switched his platform is because that is where the space was. Yes he had said some vile things, but what presidential candidate hasn’t… I think he said what he had to say to win. And people forget that he doesn’t have as much power as they think he does … he more or less plays the face of this country for the next 4 years.
Everyone else is freaking out and I’m decorating for Christmas.
His election has literally turned people into exactly what they claim to hate about him.”
Torie Clark, I love you to the moon and back! My heart feels restored and I am feeling so much appreciation for you in this moment. I love that the answer to my internal query came through you today.
Did I say that my focus on cultivating internal happiness in the midst of everything else swirling around me is deeply renewed?
The way of that faltered in and out this week. It felt impossible. It is not. It simply requires that I remove my focus from what is unwanted. Completely.
I’ve taken my “easy access to craziness” Facebook app off my tiny technology for an undetermined length of time. That one action will facilitate renewed focus on what is right in my life, and in all Life, more than anything else I can do for now.
Tending to the flow of well being in me is the strongest action I can take right now.