You know how they say that you can never go back?
They’re wrong! You can. You can bring all that old stuff up front and center again and again as often as you want. It feels just as if it were going on now.
There is a purpose in it at first, and then question has becomes, why would you want to keep going there?
I experienced a small taste of that this week. I so wanted someone dear to me to fully understand how it felt for me when my body broke, the devastation, the despair when everything I held dear – including this person – was stripped away from me.
As I tried to explain it to him, I felt myself sinking into the pain, hopelessness and constriction of those moments long gone and no longer relevant. There was a knowing that I really don’t want to dredge this up anymore coupled with the awareness that no matter how much I want this person to understand what I went through when my body “broke”, they can’t. Nobody can see or feel it through the lens through which I felt it at the time.
I chose to listen to the urge to let the need to explain the way and devastation of broken body go.
It takes so much effort to go there and it simply was no longer relevant.
As I did so, I felt pleasure in my body. It was happy with me.
Today is a new day. Today is a new vibrational point of attraction.
We really are powerful creators and most of the time we have absolutely no clue what we’re doing. We’re just muddling through life and letting our feelings dictate our realities and calling what shows up evidence.
But what if we are not at the mercy of our feelings? Evidence would tell us otherwise, particularly when we are body slammed by noxious sensation out of seemingly nowhere.
But what if it IS just as possible to redirect our focus to anything, anything at all that feels better than say, despair (a place I have frequently inhabited)?
I’ve learned that it is. It is just as possible to notice whether there is any place at all that feels a even little bit better than despair and consciously put my focus there. Just put it there. No announcement that I’m not going to think about the despair (or whatever it is) …A stopping of the fight with myself in that moment.
Instead, a simple acceptance that I feel despair (or whatever I’m feeling). And the question. Is there something that feels the tiniest bit better that I can focus on? There is faint movement with this simple acceptance, a sense of relief … and the movement begins again.
Sometimes simple acceptance of exactly where I am and what I am feeling is the best it gets in the moment. Often, it is the best it gets. Pushing against that is unkind to every part of me.
That simple release, the stopping of the fight, allows pleasure to begin to move through my body again.
And pleasure is my favorite barometer. I’ll take it.