The words of the bible say that perfect love casts out fear.
My experience has been that as I surrender my resistance to the True Love that I am, fear dissipates into that Love. So rather than projecting “enemy status”onto fear, and casting it outside of myself, I allow it to dissipate. A choice. Rather than constricting in fear around fear, I practice surrender of the resistance to the Love that I Am. That skill of surrendering is strengthening.
Like any skill, it requires practice. It is not experienced as perfect the first time out. The choice to surrender to that which we are, True Love requires practice for most of us. Layered practice.
I remember clearly a moment several years ago with my daughter, now 28, as we were going through some of the artwork she created as a young child. Her adoration for the artwork and for herself as a little girl moved me deeply. That felt so foreign to me. She did not look at the art work of a 6 year old as anything but adorable.
“Oooohhh” she said. “That was so cute.” She spoke with so much love and tenderness for the little one that she was. Little kids’ artwork is clearly not artistically “perfect”. It is adorable.
I happened to associate my early creations with shame. I had no grace with myself in the learning process. That has carried over into my adult experience much of the time.
My surrender practice? Far from perfectly executed. It is teaching me grace for the process. This week that imperfect execution of surrender has been (again) around the co-creation of the current website I’m working on.
I’ve had to surrender my artistic preferences to the preferences of the client. Had I known some of those preferences earlier, I could (and would) have designed around them. I am choosing to view this experience as a self-created internship.
For several years as a nurse I worked on the medical floor of a teaching hospital. It was a lot fun!! And yep!! Those interns did not get it perfect the first time out of the gate. They needed help . And they had many first times. Each new illness they encountered in the person in the bed in front of them was a first time. The nurses behind the scenes often saved their asses if the intern could allow themselves to receive the feedback. Some could not. Their road to competent was a bit more difficult.
Internships imply gaining practical competency at skill sets. Mine is one of practicing web design skills and it turns out, one of practicing surrender [which is the theme of my life].
So, will I allow myself to receive and grow my practice to the next level? The emotions that come up as I encounter roadblocks? They are my feedback. Can I allow myself to receive the feedback of the emotions and shift to a path of lesser resistance? [And the resistance is always internal first and foremost – the resistance is never about the perceived roadblock.]
For me, it comes down to this: How do I receive practical external feedback without telling myself stories of total failure? Without putting up walls that “protect” me but ultimately keep the love that is wanting to express towards me out?
What will I do differently next time? What processes and systems will I put in place to draw out client preferences earlier on? How can I more deeply hear the client preferences that are being expressed right from the beginning? Because this design process when all is said and done is not about me … it is about creating a site that is user friendly first and foremost, then expressing the client’s idea of what is beautiful.
What do you think? Leave a comment below. I’d love to know!