The part of the story of “my” orgasm that I didn’t want to tell starts with this paragraph ( a little over half way through the story I told.)
“A little over midway through 2010, a couple months before I turned 55, I was diagnosed with 14 “MS-like” lesions in my brain, one on my balance center and some rather significant cervical spine compression that required surgery. I had already had surgery on my lower spine the year before, allowing me to continue walking. Now my hands were numb and were not working well, and I got intermittently numb in my genital area … THAT terrified me more than anything. The thought of no longer being able to give myself pleasure was more than I could bear.”
The part of the story I didn’t want to tell.
It isn’t pretty. It isn’t bliss and candles and moments of intense pleasure in my lover’s arms. By that time there were no external lovers, and I was excruciatingly out of touch with the internal Lover. It felt way too close to the bone for me, so much so that I sidestepped it for the first two or three drafts. Didn’t go there.
And of course, as is almost always the case with that which we prefer to avoid, once felt head on, the space is opened for deep communion with the Inner Lover. Facing it, writing it, opened that heart door for me.
Once I “went there” , two things happened.
- The story came together, and
- I came home to Me.
And the deeper longing, the deeper “more than I could bear” is the thought of never having a physical lover again, never experiencing the pleasure possible in opening deeply to another, in deep communion. It is softened by the coming home to Me, by the offering of all of that longing to the Internal Lover … the Divine within …allowing me to feel content exactly where I am now.
There is great liberation in that contentment.
Autobiographies of Our Orgasms Volume 2 is due to be launched this week (today?) and I cannot wait for you to taste each story told! It is a deeply liberating experience … and, once again, I am changed in the reading of them.
Betsy Blankenbaker’s words to the contributors:
“I adore this book! It’s filled with stories that make you laugh, make you cry and make you think about your own relationship to sex and your body. Thank you for being a part of it.”
Here is the link to the paperback version :
Blessings to you all and so much love!