When Life Leaves the body of a loved one, dance! Because you can.
Let your breath be the dance if that’s all you’ve got and move because it is still in you to move.
Today, I am getting mentally and emotionally ready to drive up to the memorial service tomorrow for one of my cousins, the first of all of us to leave the body. It’s a weird thing when people your age and younger begin to leave, particularly in the extended family. Even though I never really knew him.
I was thinking about that this morning waiting for my very strong decaf coffee (LOVE that flavor as it slides down my throat), about how when we came back to America, our aunt had remarried and we “suddenly” had three new cousins. It wasn’t sudden for them. It was for us because we were in Japan, out of everyone’s loop.
So here was this really (really) cute new teenage girl cousin, and a couple of “little kids” the same age as my brothers. The sweet San Jose memories of my time in 3rd and 4th grade with my cousins were pretty much obliterated. These were tough times for all of us really. We were teenagers. I was In my junior year. They were all trying to survive their teenage years with new siblings and holy cow I was just trying to survive my year as the out of culture freak in high school here!
Here are these weird ass missionary kids who know nothing of the cousins’ culture trying to fit in for a short time. My brothers were way more effective at it than I. They were also younger. One struggled a lot actually but not with the cousins from what I could tell. One (from the outside looking in) was blessed with a crazy amazing level of detachment and one, the one right under me, just did what he did and that was that. I like that about him.
Now, the bond that I feel with my closest cousin is very strong. We have long, deep conversations, the kind we both love, not often, yet enough to know each other well. I am going as emotional support for her … she has a strong bond of love with the one who passed. There are, as there always is, family dynamics that make this kind of thing harder than ever – I will be there because I love her … bonus? I get to meet the “cute new girl cousin” as an adult. I am really looking forward to that.
And I hope there is dancing. If there is not? No worries. My breath is my dance and I am already tuned in ~~~ I know how to move to the breath as it comes in and then out. Reassuringly. Again and again.
I am happy that sun is predicted. Makes the drive so much more pleasant for me.
And!! I get to bring my closest cousin a copy of Autobiographies of Our Orgasms 2. There is something so very right about that on this day!
So much love for you all!
Blessings and many many more deep dancing breaths 🙂