What if I made pleasure my complete focus, allowing everything else to show up as it shows up? Attaching no meaning to the sensation, whichever end of the spectrum it is on, choosing instead a simple allowing of the sensations, dancing through this life in a state of pleasure in the midst of everything going on around me, in the midst of everything going on within me. I wonder how that would look fully experienced?
I’m whole body pondering a new level of orgasm energy and the power of pleasure once again.
Deep exploration of the power of focus on pleasure rather than pain. I’m reading in Extended Massive Orgasm (Steve Bodansky, Vera Bodansky) that both ends of the spectrum fully demand our attention and focus.
Here’s the practical thing about that! We get to (and can) choose where we put our focus. If I am experiencing pain so intense that if feels as though I am in the pain, I have the option of finding a place in my body that feels pleasure, intensify my focus there, and build on that pleasure.
I can then choose to go into the center of the pain with the intent of loosening it, rather than constricting around it.
Creating space for it to move.
Giving it breathing room.
Allowing the sensations to be whatever they are.
That is a practice, and it takes practice. This practice is an act of self-love.
The experience of pleasure for me is also directly related to withdrawing my focus from what I think anybody else is thinking or what I think I should be based on whatever I’m told from the outside.
For many that is probably a given. For me, as one who came back to this country after growing up in Japan, I learned to gauge my choices by how they matched up with the people around me. I had no frame of reference for pleasure other than fear – ( I talk about that in the story I contributed to Autobiographies of Our Orgasms, Volume 2, compiled by Betsy Blankenbaker)
For example, this week a friend, a very creative friend, visited my home. I noticed prior to her arriving a little wiggle of worry that my house might not be good enough. It might not suit her artistic standards. Her home is filled with her art, her expression of beauty. She knows that I am a strong pleasure lover so, even this comparison.
My home may not look like a pleasure palace to anyone from the outside (so who am I to think I can focus on pleasure?) And yet my apartment it is my pleasure palace. The things here give me great pleasure on a daily basis. My home is the place where I most aware of the state of Love.
I constantly compare myself with others in just about every aspect of my life and it is unnerving at times. It is not a conscious act of pleasure – when I compare myself with others, I come up short in my mind much of the time.
I find myself comparing my preferences with the preferences of others and deciding that because my preferences are mine (and therefore not to be trusted) they are less than. This is what xyz should look like. Because my xyz looks different, I negate it. Old habits of thinking and feeling sometimes die hard!
I’m putting a stop to that. I am owning my preferences, my desires, my dreams and letting them be the size that they are whether they’re big or small or somewhere in between. They are the things that are in my heart to do. I will (and do) experience joy in the doing of them in the midst of every other sensation that arises in the creation process.
I see myself and what I do with eyes of Love. *
That means I see my preferences with eyes of Love. It means I see my choices, every choice I’ve ever made with eyes of Love. It means I love honor and cherish every single aspect of myself in deep appreciation for the privilege of breathing, in the body for as long as I have the body to to experience life in. It is an immense privilege, this life, in this body! It is the first and foremost ‘til death do us part commitment.
Every single thing that I do has potential for great pleasure as I choose to I see myself and what I do through Eyes Of Love. Every single thing that I do.
The exploration is delicious and nuanced and it feels once again as though it is just begun.
Divine Beloved, I offer this new phase of exploration to you. Allow me to simply allow. Allow me to get out of my own way and be fully present to you in me as me, to see myself and what I do through eyes of love. I am yours. You are mine. We are One.
*This phrase is from Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life and has been with me for a very long time. I never fully felt it until the past few weeks.